Lady and gentlemen, what the fuck are we doing?

This season feels like it’s missing something. Where’s all the jabs? The cockiness? The baseless accusations? Banter like this is an essential part of the fantasy experience.

Start throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks. I want conspiracies. I want the wild headlines. I want to see the concrete pieces of evidence that point to Israel being, once again, involved in the outcome of this league. I know it exists. Show me.

Like many of you (I assume), my phone has been completely taken over by political texts. This is the type of energy we need to bring to this website.

Did you know Ken Paxton proposed a one-day jail sentence for a convicted child molester? Absolutely crazy. Do you know who tried to argue that he should only get 8 hours instead? AJ Kurdys.

James Talarico was accused of spending several weeks at a mental health facility in Ohio during this crucial pre-election time. I heard he bunked with Randy while he was there. They’ve gotten real close. Take that as you will.

Abdul El-Sayed REFUSES to disavow the Muslim Brotherhood. Guess who else refuses to do so? Take a wild fucking guess.

It’s Nick.

You looking for ties to the deep state? Look no further than Derek King.

Don’t even get me started on Brandon Sweet as Fuck Smith. One year ago, this man was childless. Now, he just… has a daughter? And is coincidentally ranked #1 in the league? You expect us to just believe that he isn’t feeding off of his daughter’s youthful life force to attain maximum power? Come the fuck on. Open your eyes.

This is only the tip of the iceberg, folks. I can keep going.

Can you?

Warm up those fingers, log into those League Gazette accounts, and start whipping up some Op-Ed articles. I want to see bloodshed. We’re smack dab in the middle of the season. There’s no better time to keep the spirit alive.

Godspeed, gang.