Congratulations everyone on a fun-filled weekend of both real and fantasy football. I don't know about y'all, but personally I felt like a kid waking up in the morning and seeing their district's name crawl across the bottom of the local news with the status ‘CLOSED."

After waking up I jumped out of bed, disturbed my sleeping wife, and riled up the dog. I tore downstairs and turned on my TV like I was trying to be the eighth caller into a radio station. Unfortunately, it was about 10:00AM so I got a little over my skis on this one and had to wait for the real football to start.

Thankfully though, what followed was a great first Sunday of the NFL's return and sweet sweet content popping up before my fingertips just ready to be shared with the Gazette readers. So grab your coffee and dive right in to what happened this past week in the Far Far Away Fantasy League.

The General Flanks Her Opponent

Leave it to Week 1 to immediately remind us all that when it comes to fantasy football, no lead is safe and it's never over. The matchup between Julia Kurdys' Hut of QBs and Randy Todd's Nut Eaters was our very first roller coaster of the 2026 season.

Early into Sunday afternoon it appeared to be a dream sequence for Randy's attempt to start off this season on the right foot. The battle of the backs was decided early as the Nut Eaters had Derrick Henry (35.3pts) and Jonathan Taylor (25.1pts) combine for 5 total TDs and over 60 combined fantasy points. Even the General's top pick, Jahmyr Gibbs', 33.6-point performance was overshadowed by the overwhelming girth and tonnage.

Adding on to the lead for Edgeville was a strong showing from their receiving core which saw Chris Olave (28.2pts) and Ladd McConkey (19.2pts) combine for nearly 50 points of their own. The Hut got a modest showing from Michael Wilson (10.6pts), but an early injury to A.J. Brown (5.6pts) handed yet another round to Mr. Todd.

However, this is where the punches stopped landing for the Nut Eaters.

Kyle Pitts (0.0pts) was one of the biggest busts of the opening weekend, and Edgeville's special teams combined for only 1.0pt. This completely derailed what otherwise would have been the best starting week in the league. Topping out at a predicted win probability of 78%, the Nut Eaters were hoping that their early lead would be enough to hold off Julia's troops.

Never conceding defeat, Julia rallied her troops and gave a Patriot-esque speech about holding the line. Some reporters even saw her waving an American flag as her team took the field before the second half of the afternoon. Mel Gibson would've been proud.

Right out the gate her WR2 Nico Collins (21.2pts) exploded in a second half push against Buffalo digging into Edgeville's lead - Body Shot.

Next, Christian Watson (32.7pts) opens up Green Bay's season with an early 81-yard TD - Uppercut.

Then, Sunday night, the Giants took the field and all Randy could do was watch Jaxson Dart (26.6pts) and Cam Skattebo (14.1pts) capped off this comeback and give the Lady of the League her first victory of the year - Knockout.

Kakashi Has Been Exiled from the Leaf

Coming into this matchup, I'll admit, it felt like a classic Thursday Night Football matchup you'd be okay missing. The Exiles, led by Brennan Kurdys, and Derek King's Team Kakashi are two of the league's most snake bitten teams having some of the worst injury luck to date.

Just because you start on Thursday doesn't mean you can't make a statement—and the Fremennik certainly made theirs.

Touting one of the scariest top-ends in the league, the Frems came out swinging early with a classic Josh Allen (35.7pts) performance which saw him post four total TDs. Coupled with Derek's QB, Matt Stafford (5.1pts) being one of the weekend's busts, this was a devastating blow early in the day.

Kakashi saw some semblance of hope from D'Andre Swift (32.4pts) whose breakout performance helped bolster the team total. Even this effort, though, was not enough as Brennan's backs combined for 56.9 points behind Ashton Jeanty (32.7pts) and Javonte Williams (24.2pts).

The receiving room saw much of the same with Derek once again failing to strike paydirt in Ja'Marr Chase (3.2pts) while the Exiles enjoyed a business-as-usual 26.2pts from JSN last Wednesday.

In the end, this was all too much for Team Kakashi and they suffered their first loss of the season behind some unforeseen stinkers from their star players. The Exiles got off to a great start, and we finally get to see what this manager can do when fielding a healthy roster.

It should be noted for both these teams that major adjustments will likely need to be made down sheet. The FLEX and special teams portions of both rosters underperformed relative to the rest of the league. Strong top-sheet carry jobs will get you through some weeks on their own, but only truly deep rosters can find themselves earning hardware at the end of the season.

The Suns Find Their God, Trounce Slashers

As much as I would like it to be so, we can't always have five interesting matchups each week. Someone has to draw the short straw and this week that crown goes to Matt Bieniek and the Haddonfield Slashers. Hoping to ride the momentum of their silver-medal finish from last season, the Slashers ran face first into the limestone wall that is the Egyptian Suns.

Amir Elgeyoushi has become one of the stronger managers in the league over the past few seasons and got down to business in Week 1. The win is actually so convincing that I am writing this before the Monday night game even concludes (please Waddle, don't outscore Rashee by 40 tonight, I beg). This whole thing got started by one player in particular, Caleb Williams.

I won't even begin to lie, I have not always been a Williams fan. Although, I was made a believer watching his performances in last year's playoffs and I was eager to see what he would do this time around.

Yeah, he dropped over 37 fantasy points and 59 real points on the Carolina Panthers - a playoff team...

This was only the beginning for the Suns. They also enjoyed a cool 28.7pts from Amon-Ra St. Brown, the Sun God himself, and even saw Juwan Johnson (14.4pts) come to the party as well. The rest of the squad didn't leap off the page, but they pitched in enough for the Suns to top 140 points.

The real story of this matchup though is the trip and fall outing from the Slashers. Nearly every member of their roster underperformed their projections this weekend, and once again we see a special teams combine for barely positive results (1.0pt).

Looking at their bench, they don't even have a single player above 9-points outside of a backup QB. I would not expect this trend to continue, but finding out where your floor is on week 1 is not the way you want to start your season.

Nevertheless, I do believe that these two managers still have what it takes to find themselves in the playoffs at the end of the year. One path just might be a bit easier than the other.

Naber Came to Your Hood and They Don't Know You

It's always interesting to see how the reigning champion fares once a new season kicks off. Over the years, we've seen plenty of defending champions stumble out of the gates just as often as they've come out swinging. The Reapers, led by Nick Lewandowski, hoped to keep the ball rolling and continue their four-game winning streak that extends to last season.

Meanwhile, Brandon Smith's Naberhood watch was hoping to band together to catch these garbage-tipping criminals and begin making the case that this is finally their year. Which team would start strong, and which would slip on a smashed pumpkin in the yard?

All weekend, this was one of the league's closer matchups. With projected win probabilities consistently hovering around 55-45, it was hard to tell who would eventually get the edge. The Reapers struck first, pulling ahead early thanks to a vintage Week 1 Lamar Jackson (25.0pts) and a big-time game from Dalton Kincaid (18.0pts).

The Watch had an answer of their own, with Chase Brown (18.8 pts) coming up big against Tampa Bay and Bucky Irving returning to form with a cool 20.3 pts. Although Joe Burrow (15.2 pts) struggled despite winning the game, Parker Washington's breakout performance (19.3 pts) helped pick up the slack.

The real difference-maker in this matchup came in the second FLEX spot for the Reapers, as Jordan Addison (0.0 pts) shocked this Gazette writer with a scoreless outing despite his real-life squad dropping 39 points on the Packers.

This was the opening Smith needed, and Kenneth Walker (34.1 pts) solidified the Week 1 victory Monday night, beginning to rewrite the narrative on this regular-season juggernaut. His roster boasts some of the names we have cherished over the last several years as well as some potential new talent. Could this be the combination that he needs to go from regular season beast to fantasy champion?

There was plenty of missed potential on both benches, a rarity across the league this week. Both managers may find themselves looking elsewhere to fill some roster gaps, but the Reapers will definitely need some adjustments if they want to defend their title.

The champs are now 0-1. They're still the team to beat, but now they're the team other managers think they can beat.

Love and Last Lap Shenanigans: Racers Survive

To close out Week 1 let's take a look at the matchup that had managers everywhere clutching their pearls and praying for a Commissioner downfall. In a rematch of last year's bronze medal match AJ Kurdys' Jamario Kart Racers took on Scott Baker's Love & Fantasy Football in one of the highest scoring and closest finishes of the week. This marked the eighth contest between the managers, with the Racers coming out on top in the last two meetings. Scooter, however, still holds the all-time series advantage, 4-3.

Both of these managers are powerhouses in their own right, and demand the respect of other fantasy owners. Scott has been red hot since joining back in 2023, having the highest win percentage (69%) during that same span. Kurdys, on the other hand, is tied for the all-time wins record (36) and was a single catch away from being crowned champion last season.

Once the Sunday games began it was nothing but fireworks to kick things off, and we knew this one was going the distance. Scott's team took the day by storm early behind dominant performances from Bijan Robinson (31.3pts) and David Montgomery (28.9pts). The running back play across the league was otherworldly this week, and this game was no exception. Kurdys received some support from less-heralded picks Breece Hall (19.8pts) and Jeremiyah Love (13.0pts), but his team found themselves in an early hole.

All was not lost, however, as a major performance from Justin Jefferson (31.2pts) catapulted the Racers back into the game while the Fantasy squad suffered a classic Quentin Johnston (3.7pts) stink-fest. That actually became a major theme for Scott's crew later into the afternoon. His roster currently consists of three Chargers and each of them had an underwhelming day against the Cardinals.

The Racers did not escape unscathed though, experiencing a surprise off-day from generally reliable receiver Terry McLaurin (3.4pts). This was one of the major busts of the entire weekend, and put AJ's team once again behind the 8-ball looking for one last surge.

That surge did eventually come, but in an unexpected place. By the time the 1:00PM games concluded, Kurdys found himself in possession of the top special teams combo of the week receiving a total of 40.5 combined points from Evan McPherson (20.5pts) and Pittsburgh (20.0pts). This was done in a week where many other teams struggled in the same part of their lineups, giving the Racers a massive advantage when it mattered most.

This all led us to Monday night, and the Kansas City Chiefs hosting the Denver Broncos. JaMario found himself down just 1.8 points with none other than Travis Kelce to go. Now, regardless of your opinions, this guy has been the man for years. But he has shown some serious decline as of late (thanks, Taylor). However, the 10th-round draft pick came up huge with a 57-yard reception in the 3rd quarter to finally clinch the win. The Kurdys league wide blood line sweep had been secured.

This marks the Commish's first Week 1 win since 2023, as he has typically found himself fighting back to even midway through the season. This year, though, has already proven to be different, and he has now evened the all-time head-to-head series against a team that most managers have struggled to even find a W against.

If the past is any indication of the future, at least one of these teams will make a deep playoff run—and it's hard to say which one will be tougher to handle. Can other managers step up to the plate?