It wouldn’t be another week of fantasy football without a few owners spending their Monday night nail biting, desperately refreshing their phones, and praying for one last miracle. This week, both of our featured matchups went down to the wire, with neither battle willing to reveal its fate until the eleventh hour.

Fortunately, identifying this week’s marquee matchups was hardly a challenge. While our featured contenders delivered the drama, nearly everyone else delivered a dose of melatonin. Almost all the other teams league wide fell well short of expectations on a weekend that almost entirely lacked noteworthiness.

Now, enough about everyone else. The Gazette has determined that two matchups were actually worth your attention this week. Let’s take a look at the owners who earned the right to be considered "The Big Leagues."

Commish Survives Again, Slashers Come Up Short

In what likely caused collective groans league-wide, your fearless and trusted Commissioner has once again found himself on the side of victory. Boasting a Week 2 high-score of nearly 150-points, this marks the second week in a row that Captain Kurdys has led his racers to a Top-3 scoring finish, and currently sole lead of the scoring title. This victory did not come easy, however, as the Slashers were mere yards away from snatching this W right from AJ's hands.

At the start of the week, it looked like JaMario and his merry band of Go-Karters were headed for a leisurely Sunday cruise. Following the 1:00 PM games, the Racers held a 73% win probability and were 20-point favorites. Strong special teams production (22.8pts combined), James Cook (20.9pts), and undervalued Breece Hall (14.2pts) got the Commish out to an early lead. Despite some stinkers in the FLEX and a surprisingly quiet day from star wideout Justin Jefferson (8.5pts), all seemed well.

Then came the mid-afternoon rush, and Bieniek began to make his move. Garbage-time touchdowns from Trey McBride (18.1pts) and Bhayshul Tuten (14.2pts) gave the boys from Haddonfield a much-needed boost. Add in late-game heroics from Jalen Hurts (18.2pts) and a casual 22.6-point outing from Christian McCaffrey, and suddenly we had ourselves a 50-50 ballgame.

Thankfully for Kurdys, the 49ers had a quarterback living his best life, and his name is Brock Purdy (28.5pts). Purdy was a last-second decision made purely because of the matchup with CMC, with the hope that he could siphon away some of the running back's receiving production. The move paid off handsomely. And after Dak sucked last week, who knew he would turn around and drop 29.8pts against a supposedly tougher defense?

Purdy's explosion only barely kept the Slashers at bay, while a primetime performance from Travis Kelce (25.1pts) gave the Commish some breathing room and pushed the lead to nearly 25 points. There was just one problem: AJ now needed a calm, uneventful Monday night from Kyren Williams.

Monday night was anything but calm.

The Rams' home opener against the Giants quickly turned into an offensive clinic, particularly after half of New York's offense went down with injury. Williams found the end zone early, and for about five glorious minutes, the Slashers had dragged the matchup right back to 50-50. Then Davante Adams (39.5pts), the touchdown hog that he is, hauled in two of Stafford's touchdown passes and kept Williams (15.7pts) from fully cashing in on the Rams' offensive onslaught.

For the second straight week, AJ has somehow survived the Monday night madness. He now finds himself among the league's four remaining unbeaten teams, despite also carrying the highest points-against total of the bunch. As for the Slashers, they drop to 0-2 and now find themselves in desperate need of a correction before this early hole gets any deeper.

Reapers in Pain After Stafford's Monday Night Heroics

Our other highlight game of the week came from an unexpected pairing between Derek King's Team Pain and perennial powerhouse The Reapers, managed by Nick Lewandowski. Coming in to Week 2, I had personally all but marked this one down as a loss for the Deva path and a bounce back game for POH Jr. All of us were surprised when the Monday night game concluded and Derek's squad had pulled off the comeback.

This matchup was all over the place from start to finish. The Reapers entered as 13-point favorites with a 60% win probability, and the mountain looked even taller with King's roster missing both Zay Flowers (hamstring) and Josh Jacobs (jail, lol). However, the former Sensei of Team 7 had a couple of pocket aces up his sleeve.

Ja'Marr Chase (26.5pts) reminded everyone why you spend early draft picks on this Cincy offense who has been slow out the gate. Coupled with a massive 23 points from the Patriots defense, this placed Derek as the odds on favorite (60-40) to win the week halfway through Sunday. There was even a stretch where Team Pain held the highest projected total in the league.

Then the Dallas Cowboys took on the Washington Commanders, and CeeDee Lamb (35.3pts) came up HUGE for the Reapers with one of the highest totals of the week. Garrett Wilson (16.7pts) chipped in another reliable performance, and after Team Pain suffered a couple of mid-day injuries, the tides had turned. The spookiest team in fantasy football was back in the driver's seat.

Just like our other clash of the titans, this one would come down to the Rams offense on Monday night. Nick's squad held a 24-point lead and a 68% chance to win, but had no starters left to play. Derek's last hope rested on reigning NFL MVP Matthew Stafford, who had put up a miserable 5.1 points in Australia in Week 1.

There must be something in that LA water. Matty Ice (28.0pts) got his mojo back Austin Powers-style the second he entered the '310,' proceeding to throw four touchdowns while absolutely dismantling a broken New York Giants defense. The final touchdown came with just 8:57 remaining in the fourth quarter and secured the ever-so-slim victory for King & Company.

It's still far too early to know whether Team Pain is a legitimate playoff threat. Injuries and suspensions remain a concern, but the bones of a wild-card team are certainly there. The Reapers, meanwhile, find themselves 0-2 for the first time in team history. After being run off the field by the Naberhood last week and losing another close battle here, Nick's squad needs to regroup before the wheels fully come off the bus.