Just like the man Terry Hoitz, some of our league managers were busy this weekend learning to dance ballet sarcastically instead of putting together a winning roster. Even the ones who did, they just ended up being happy they drew a rough week for their opponent.

What was already a tough weekend of football to watch became even more painful when you opened the Sleeper app and saw half your roster was in the single digits, or worse, hurt.

Let's take a look at how the rest of the league's very best performed in Week 2, who is celebrating their survival, and who needs to start answering some tough questions.

No Puka, No Problem

We can just go ahead and get this one out of the way, folks. The “Bare Ass” and “Whooping Belt” conventions happened to overlap their schedules, and unfortunately for Scott, Brandon just happens to be the president of the latter.

If we have learned anything over the years of Far Far Away Football, it is to NEVER have your worst week against Agent Smith and the Boys. Scott was evidently left off that memo, turning in the worst performance in team history with just 74.5 points. That's more than 20 points below his previous low, set all the way back in his very first game in Week 1 of the 2023 season.

The Love for Fantasy Football may have soured this weekend, as Scooter's roster simply couldn't get anything going. Eight of the team's ten roster spots failed to crack double digits, with a couple of injuries thrown in for good measure. Something needs to be figured out with this Chargers offense soon, or this could become the norm for an owner who has generally enjoyed plenty of success.

Brandon, meanwhile, put together the kind of performance that could have toppled just about any Week 2 opponent — well, nearly any. ;)

Posting a near league best 147.1 points behind studs like Kenneth Walker (23.8pts) and DeVonta Smith (27.7pts) this team was rolling from the jump. PJ Washington (16.8pts) also continued to look like a savvy selection, once again outperforming his projected total and giving Brandon another reliable piece of the lineup.

The win moves Brandon to 2-0 and sets up an intriguing Week 3 showdown. Unfortunately for the Naberhood, they'll have their hands full with the only team to outscore them through two weeks: the undefeated JaMario Kart Racers (2-0).

And if Week 2 was any indication, somebody's going to need to bring a belt.

Who Let Him Do This? Top Player Cheese Steals Edgeville's Nuts

There are some teams that make 2-0 feel like it's way out of everyone else's league, and then there are the Fremennik Exiles. One of the highest flying teams last week barely scraped together just enough to pull out a win against the Edgeville Nut Eaters. Was their team decent overall? Absolutely not. Did they have two players to thank for the entire operation? Absolutely they did.

First, I have to address the elephant in the room. Well, actually, there are two elephants, and they both play for the Fremennik Exiles.

Josh Allen (40.8pts) and Jaxon Smith-Njigba (42.5pts) have been absolutely ridiculous to start the season, with both averaging more than 35 points per game. And somehow, against all known laws of fantasy football, Brennan managed to get both of them.

And we just let him get away with it — WHAT?!

At this point we are just lucky that the kid keeps starting Colston Loveland (1.3pts) and the Baltimore special teams (8.9pts combined), because if he actually made some adjustments we would have a very different top team. As discussed last week, this roster is quite top heavy and missed out on big performances from their running backs this time around. Thankfully, their opponent, led by Randy Todd, was in no rush to score themselves.

The Nut Eaters weren’t the lowest-scoring team in the league this week, but they weren’t exactly sprinting toward the finish line. Drake Maye (9.0pts) continues to underwhelm, while Kyle Pitts (2.5pts) was, quite frankly, just ass. Without an impressive 29.4 combined points from Edgeville’s special teams, this one might have gotten ugly. In fact, there was a small sliver of hope when Jameis Winston came in for the Giants. He was only 4 picks away from giving the Nut Eaters the win! Ha..

Neither of these teams likely feel great coming out of this game, and the injury bug is no stranger to these owners either. You can squeak by these first few weeks, but as the mid-season approaches you either adapt or die.

Which will these two decide to do?

Taco Bell Adams Come Up Big, Injuries Hamper the General

Last but not least, we have the final matchup — and, more importantly, the final Kurdys matchup of the week — between Super QB Hut General and the Egyptian Suns.

Man, oh man. What a stinker.

And somehow, an even bigger heartbreaker.

What started as a fairly even matchup between two of the league’s star managers ended with a last-second swing that was allegedly predestined by one manager’s own clairvoyance.

'QB the Hut' came into Week 2 riding high after a big Week 1 victory as the league’s leading scorer, although she was now missing one of her key roster cornerstones in Nico Collins (hamstring). Thankfully, this team is built around young stars and strong running back play, so hopes were still high — unless, of course, you asked Julia herself.

Coming into the week, Julia predicted that Jaxson Dart would suffer an injury on Monday night.

By God, that’s exactly what happened.

Despite a strong Sunday performance from the rest of her roster that gave her an 85% chance of victory, the injury completely derailed what had been shaping up to be a dominant week. And, unfortunately for Julia, her own prophecy came true at the worst possible time.

Amir, however, had his pot out this entire match just looking for his next handout. The Suns struggles the majority of the weekend due to injuries to Caleb Williams (8.7pts), Saquon Barkley (3.0pts), and a piss poor effort from the Tampa Bay defense (2.0pts). You just know he was punching the air too when he saw Mahomes (29.0pts) go off while warming his bench slot.

Then the Monday night game rolled up and everything got thrown upside down, Fresh Prince style.

Dart’s injury not only sent Julia’s projections into the depths, but also limited Cam Skattebo (9.5pts) as New York’s running game struggled without much of a passing threat.

That left one last hope for Egypt: Taco Bell Franchisee Davante Adams.

And he delivered.

The 33-year-old wideout hauled in two touchdowns and nearly eclipsed 200 receiving yards during the Rams’ home-opener demolition of the Giants, exploding for 39.5 points and single-handedly flipping the matchup in the Suns’ favor.

Just like that, Egypt moves to 2-0 and joins the league’s four remaining undefeated teams.

As for QB Hut General, she’ll need to bounce back quickly next week against the winless Slashers if she wants to keep pace with the early playoff picture.